HELL OR HIGH WATER...

My first day in Quito...

It started off nice today, but turned to shit SUPER quick.  Torrential rain. Thunder Showers. I took refuge in a small cafe.  I walked in, soaked right through, looked at the waiter and said "vino tinto?" 
He nodded... and I knew I'd be ok.

Quick rant...
I TOTALLY understand the the fault lays SOLELY with me for not having enough insight to actually bring a rain jacket with me.  Perhaps I can blame Roland a little smidge bit... because he didn't actually include it in his advice message to me.  In fact, to tell the truth, I didn't bring ANYTHING that would work in the rain... but right now, the other stuff is merely muffins... I need a rain jacket.  Look at the weather forecast!  

Poor me.  Yep... I must have a rain jacket.  And if I have to lie, cheat or steal, I decided that I would have one in my hot little hands by the end of the day. 

Let me tell you how many little shops I've been in today.  If I was seeking out yarn or a plastic purse, this city would be all over me like a fat kid on a smartie.

BUT... for a country that considers HALF of its year the 'rainy' season... you would think that there would be a rain jacket shop on every corner. 

Plaza Grande- Quito

I would also like to point out that in a country primarily made up of women weighing in at below 120lbs, my North American chubby body type would constitute a XXL+ jacket... and those aren't as easy to come by as one would think.  In fact, you could probably just keep rolling with the X's and I'd be comfortable as pie.

Finally, the girl in my hostel directed me on to an area that sold "cheap" clothes... I must look pretty down & out.  But regardless of my current state of poverty, I found one.  And only a size L (G in Spanish) - it's a 'little bit' tight, but nothing a few weeks of starving myself won't cure.

Plaza Grande

Right now, as I type, I'm eating dinner at a small little pizzeria and the waiter keeps asking me if I like my pizza because I'm trying desperately not to eat the base or the crusts... I want to say "I have a jacket... and some really tight summer clothes that I need to fit in to"   but I don't know how to say it in Spanish, and I'll spare him the visual.

They are all staring at me while I chug my red wine and nibble at the top cheese part of my pizza.  At first I cared... you know the feeling... always trying to explain your weirdo idiosyncrasies & bizarre things that happen to you to strangers.

"Honestly, my ankles aren't always like this.  Usually I'm super hot!"

My entire life, I have felt this overwhelming necessity to 'explain'... but for once, I decided to leave it... who cares?  It's not like I will ever see them again... unless I decide to dine here again tomorrow night...

 Ok... so, enough about me and my insecurities... and the storms... and teeny weeny rain jackets... and wine and creepy pizza eatings... on to bigger things like my day in Quito.  Photos attached for your viewing pleasure.  Don't ask me much about them... I mostly just aim, shoot and keep walking.

I explored most of the Historical Quito... made my way through the Plaza Grande, took in a couple churches (San Francisco and the Compañia)... super impressed by La Compañia, and all the intricate gold engravings and details... I had to steal this photo off Google images because we weren't permitted to take any photos.  I was going to cheat and take some, but I didn't want to be disrespectful and get arrested.  Put a real 'downer' on the holiday, considering it's only my first day here... and it's already raining.

Iglesia de la Compañía de Jesús in Quito

Speaking of getting arrested... there are Policia everywhere! Except at night, when I'm a single & hot, rich tourist walking the streets alone with my thick ankles lol... but Gawd! They're on every corner during the daytime.



The last time I was in Quito... and this story I'm about to tell is no word of a lie...  I apologize to any official AFS'ers that might be finding out about this for the first time...

There were 6 of us (no names mentioned to protect the innocent) that had (somehow) managed to escape the grips of our familia and the AFS organization, and we found ourselves alone in Quito for the night.  None of us had a lot of money, and what money we did have, was sure to be put towards beer, cigarettes and deep fried food.  Priorities... always.

While 4 of us had a few drinks in a local pub, 2 of the group went off to find us some accommodation for the evening.  And accommodation, they sure did find.  When they finally returned to the pub, they were out of breath, laughing hysterically and spent the entire time convincing us to "come see the place," give it a chance," "it was cheap"... and if we promised to overlook everything else, we were all guaranteed to love it for these 3 reasons. 


It was a whore house.  

Only $2 per night, per room... but still... a whore house.

And yes... we did stay there. One night.

The place was a DIVE.  Torn off siding, broken rickety fence, smashed windows, peeling paint, cracked beams, ripped up carpet, graffiti on the walls... oh yes... a real head turner.

We got three rooms (2 of us in each one) - I remember every single detail.  The room I was in had a double mattress on the floor and a sink in the corner.  Another room had a single mattress, a pot (presumable for peeing?), a smashed mirror and a broken door.

The last room was like a 5 star suite- it had a double bed, bed frame AND a bathroom- but while we weren't there, it was rented out by the hour.  We found that out the hard way... 

I'll spare everyone the rest of the details... but we survived one night.  None of us entered in to a life of prostitution or pimping... or brothel management... that I know of anyway.

So anyway- bringing it back to reality- I am NOT staying in a whore house this time around.  At least I don't think so.  I'm at a lovely little hostel called Friends Hostel and the Wifi password is  "forever friends" which is just about as cute as Hello Kitty.  It's "slightly" more than $2 per night... But, honestly, it's really warm and inviting... and the staff is amazing.

Photos... cute, right?

OH... one more thing... I forgot to mention that I tried a "flat white coffee" today for first time ever and man, is it ever gross.  Off to bed now...

IT'S COLD...

Got up and at 'er today.
Check out was 11am... but being quite brilliant, like I am, I'd requested a late check out... as I knew that I'd be tired.

I was right.
I ended up waking up in a panic because I'd had a stupid dream that Potzy was with me and he kept running out in to the road, and then in to the jungle- and he wasn't coming when I called him... and I forgot his food.

Speaking of food - I'm starving...

I should be drinking more water.  My cankles have subsided "slightly," but I'm definitely not a candidate for any foot commercials right now.

Still thick, but at least my toes look nice.  

Ok- enough about my new-found beauty!  The Quito Airport Suites I stayed last night was fine... cold, but fine.  The bed was really short, which I found strange.  It was almost like it was one of those department store display beds...  I don't know. Maybe I'm abnormally tall... or maybe just usually short people stay there.  I endured the suffering though and finally got to sleep around 5am... when birds were starting to chirp.

I had two options this morning...

#1- I could take a taxi to the bus stop, catch the bus in to Quito, then catch another taxi to my hostel. 

#2- I could take a taxi straight to the hostel for $25.

I opted for door #2.

Quito Airport Suites

Too tired and my pack is too heavy for me to maneuver the ins and outs of Quito on an empty stomach and 4.5 hours of sleep.  And honestly, it's kind of cold.  It's raining and dreary today.  

Guess how many sweaters and long sleeve shirts I brought?.... yep, just keep on guessing.  My entire pack is filled with tank tops and shorts and summer dresses...  

Hey Roland - you should have helped a sister out in THIS department.  Packing :-(

OCD Nightmare... Seriously. 
This should be illegal.

Driving down the highway and through the streets of Quito... floods of memories came back.  It's almost exactly how I remember Quito and it just seems nothing has changed.  The deep green canyons lining the highway as we wind our way up and down the mountains and in to the city... the signs, the colourful housing covering the hillsides, the unfinished buildings, the tiendas everywhere, the old rickety vehicles chugging along, the constant honking, people walking in the middle of the street... chaos! I love it :-)

 This is my taxi driver, who had to pull over on the side of the road to pull out his map because he was so confused as to where I was trying to go.  I love it!  He did eventually ask someone for directions.  If you ask me, who needs a GPS? Highly over-rated...

Anyway - I just checked in to my hostel in Quito and I'm going to thrown on a snow suit and venture out in to the city to see what kind of trouble I can get myself in to... 

That is code for find food and wine...

IS IT THE JOURNEY OR THE DESTINATION?

OMG... I'm here!

I would have written last night... but exhausted.  I made it through customs, my luggage arrived (soaking wet... but it arrived, so I can't really complain)... and, not to be super bragidocious, but the customs guy spoke to me solely in Spanish and I understood everything and responded back in Spanish.

Little pat on the back to me.
Of course, it wasn't like we discussed molecular science or tips on climbing Everest.

I think the questions were "What airline did you fly? Is this your first trip to Ecuador?  How many days are you here?"

... but I'm proud.

The actual journey to get here was not too bad, I have to admit.

A friend of mine poured me in to Vancouver International on Saturday night and I slept on the bench seats for a few hours until I had to check in.

Check in was interesting.  The first thing that I told the girl was that I had tried repetitively to check in at home, but it wouldn't let me.

This is the conversation that ensued...

Delta Girl: "Where are you flying to?"
Me: "Vancouver to Minneapolis... then to Atlanta and then on to Ecuador."
Delta Girl: "What time?"
Me: "6:30"
Delta Girl: "Sorry ma'am but there are no flights to Minneapolis today at 6:30."

I BEG to differ... mild heart attack... slight panic overtakes...
Calm down... relax.
I pull out my printed itinerary (keepin' it old school)
See?????

Delta Girl: "Oh... that flight was changed to Salt Lake City. ha ha... sometimes they do stuff like that."

Super cute.
Like jokesters.
Nice of them to let me know.


I then ate the world's worst ham and cheese sandwich.  KIND of ate it. More like tore it apart and spread it all over the seat...

The flight was all ok.  It was actually good that it got broken up so much.  I think I need to write more about the annoyances of the flight LATER.... and I will.

There was this kid from SLC to Atlanta that was playing a video game and his volume was on LOUD.  I can not even believe that his mother didn't smack him.  It was making me crazy and I almost snapped.  I actually stopped the stewardess and BOUGHT headphones for $2 US to ease my pain.

I'd accidentally packed my headphones in my backpack...

Funny that they were $2 US and I was only allowed to pay with my credit card... cuz they were handing them out like free pancakes on the following flight to Quito.  Delta, as well, I might add. Seems like a case of 'preferred customers' to me...

When we arrived in Atlanta, I was starving (seriously) and all I wanted in life was some nachos and a glass of red wine.  But sometimes dreams don't come true.  I tried going in to TGIF and waited... waited... waited... no one helped me :-(

I finally had to leave there cuz I was going to miss my connecting flight if I waited anymore.  So smart me, popped in to some food court Mexican outlet and these are the nachos they gave me...

Some kind of liquid cheese that tasted like it almost had broccoli in it.

"Can you please add jalapeños?"
"No... we don't have that."
"Tomatoes?"
"No."

Pretty high class Mexican food court restaurant.

Half way through eating it, it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps this might not have been the best choice for a meal right before a 5 hour flight...

I did survive though without one emergency trip to the airplane toilet.

But I do have to mention the funniest and most embarrassing thing about the flights.  THIS happened to me...

I GOT TRAVEL CANKLES!!!!!

I just kept thinking "WHY are my shoes so friggin' tight?"

Finally I looked down and OMG... I have stump leg foot...

Am I going to be like this forever.

People kept giving me advice that when I got to my hotel, to raise my feet up above my heart, for a long period of time.

There's a visual.

I'm going to hope that the swelling subsides over time... but until then, my motto is "Thick is the new sexy"...

MOSQUITO NETS ARE THE NEW BLACK

So… being the procrastinator that I am - I basically leave in a week and am only now beginning to think about vaccinations, doing laundry, figure out finances and packing.  The most important of all is probably the life threatening diseases that I might potentially be subject to.

Perhaps a trip to a trusted professional to sort out what I should and shouldn’t have might help? 

Not really.

Ok- my actual doctor was booked up the day that I decided I better venture in… but that’s ok because I only really needed vaccination advice and a prescription or two.  Honestly, any doctor would do. Right?

Maybe…

I got put in with a younger doctor, red hair… probably in her early 30’s.

The first thing I brought up was the trip.

She immediately opened up something on her computer- which I can only assume was a map of diseases in Ecuador and a list..

Have you had your Tetanus shot?  Maybe....
Have you had your Hep A shot? Maybe...
Have you had your Hep B shot? Maybe...  

Typhoid? Maybe...

I don’t know! It just seemed to go on and on...

The last time that I was in South America, I was 18. It was 1991… 

I remember being inundated with vaccinations, but I have no idea what they were, how long they last... what lasts for life... what needs to be updated.

Off to the doctor every six months to 'update' my Hep A... like the dentist!

I used to have one of those little vaccination booklets, but even that would be outdated, if I knew where it was.

So here’s me on a wing and a prayer… please tell me what I need.

The questions continue.

She kept asking me what provinces I was going to. No idea.

I can list off the cities… but not the provinces. I'm starting to lose it...

“Look… I’m not heading in to the jungle to drink from the river.  Can you just give me some ADVICE on what I might need, write it down and I'll go get it!"

The questions went on and on…

Finally I just wanted to scream, “I don’t care. I'll risk disease and death. I’ll be fine.”

To shut her up, and hopefully have some glimpse of a life outside being in that little office, 'we' finally agreed on Hep A and a Typhoid combined shot. Good enough.

Then… she said that she would feel better if I protected myself against Malaria.

Yep- good call.

Now… apparently there are two types of Malaria pills.

Malaria Pill Number 1...

“You need to start taking this pill tomorrow and then take it every day that you’re away and then every day for a month after you’re back.”

Yes… I think I can handle that.  I think I have the responsibility enough to tackle a pill each day.

“There are some side effects though.”

Hit me with them.

“It’s very sun sensitive. YOu’ll have to stay out of the sun or wear a really big hat at all times when you’re outside.”

Wow… I’m going to Ecuador. Sun. Heat. 34 and rising.

I want a tan.

“Also- to be on the safe side, you should probably drape yourself with a mosquito net at all times.”

Attractive.

“And you’ll probably get a few yeast infections.”

Ok… wow, do I ever sound like someone I would like to meet on vacation,.

Who’s the creepy weird over there with the big hat and the mosquito net that smells like rotten cottage cheese?

Well, that was a shit conversation… what’s behind door number 2?

Malaria Pill Number 2...

“Well this one is highly effective, yet costs twice as much.”

Any side effects?

“Yes it has a tendency to make people a little bit crazy.”

You know what?
Enough said.

I’m good.

I think I can tackle malaria.

I just feel strong- like I can really beat it.

She wouldn’t take no for an answer though. 

Which one did I want?

Finally I choose yeast infections and mosquito nets,.. but have no intention of filling the prescription at all.

Ok- vaccinations and life threatening diseases over…

On to the next thing…

Me - "I’d like you to renew my birth control."

Doctor from Hell - “Before I do this... I’d really like to speak with you about the perils of having sexual relations with strangers in third world countries.”

Ok… 

Enough said.

Just wondering exactly which strangers out there would be interested in me, with my mosquito net style and my ever-annoying yeast infection problem...

ROLAND vs. RICK STEVES

I’m an excellent procrastinator.

To be honest, I spent most of December in a bit of a slump… so although I was excited for my upcoming trip- I really didn’t do anything about it.

Mostly I just wanted to stay in bed and binge watch shows on Netflix.  It sounds pathetic… and it was.

Finally on January 4th, I decided that I had to get my act together and figure shit out.

After I put up my posting, I got the normal responses from friends; "Have a great trip!" "You can do it!" etc etc…

But the best comment was from Roland.

Now Roland is a guy I knew from high school.

As far as I know, Roland hasn’t travelled much- but I appreciate the fact that he jumped in to attempt to pull me out of my slump with his clever advice on how to prepare for travel.

Here goes... (please keep in mind that I have NOT edited this at all... this is exactly how it showed up on my feed) 

Ok this is why you do first thing you do is if you drink beer to much the start doing shots of something you like but keep it old school rum whiskey vodka tequila non of that flavoured shit. Sip beer do shots ok that's weight loss oh yeah just eat protein no carbs lots of meat or fish and greens very important.  Then clean your house don't worry to much about the little shit focus on the stuff that will ROT!!!!  DO YOUR DISHES AND CLEAN OUT THE FRIDGE.  ARM AND HAMMER the little box in the fridge it's cheap hey saving money alright !!!  Do your laundry or if you got a month's worth of laundry throw the stuff you don't wear much like probably most of it or else you wouldn't have that much laundry anyways lol put it in a bag and drop it off at the VV Boutique and get 10 or 20% off inside oh yeah saving $$$.  Just pack a small bag like the stewardess with the handle and pull it along or have a few drinks and dress like one for the flight get a few laughs have fun.  Travelers cheques and passport very important get the little bag you wear around your neck with the zipper very important get the one with ZIPPER!!!!!  Tuck it in your shirt !!!  Tae out the garbage close the windows and lock them all turn down the heat very important save money or turn it right off my be you got a programmable one set it for the day you return so its nice and warm when you get back.  Cats or pets set them free or a friend whatever then I think that's it oh post office to hold your mail.  Ok that's all I can think of Joanna I hope that helps you so you can have a friggin' awesome trip ok !!

I tried to follow it to the best of my ability.

1. Weight loss - didn't happen like I'd imagined... but with this new-found knowledge, I will attempt to shed the pounds doing old school shots.

2. Arm & Hammer... I certainly did try to concentrate on the stuff that will ROT...

3. Value Village - well... I didn't take my clothes here.  Instead I got off my lazy ass and I washed them.

4.  Pretend I'm a Stewardess - nah... a little bag wasn't really going to work for me being away for a month.  So I had to forego that advice and shove all my shit in to my backpack.  I'm not going to dress like one, but a few drinks will probably be ok. Right?

5. Travellers Cheques... nope.  The 90's are over.

6. Passport. Check :-)

7. The Little Bag. Get the one that goes around my neck with the ZIPPER... obviously the zipper is the most important part.  Just need to tuck it in my shirt and I'm ready to hit the streets.

8. Windows closed & locked!

9. Heat - off!  No programmable one at my place.

9. Pets... set them free... Sayonara Potzy! (see video)

10. Post Office - think I'll just keep it coming and then throw out all the dumb flyers when I get home :-)

WITH A LOT OF LOVE

One of the main attractions of Ecuador is the Galapagos Islands.

I won a trip there when I was in Ecuador in 1991.  I had the best Hallowe’en Costume at an AFS party and I got flight, 3 nights and 4 days aboard a small touring vessel.

It was a bit of a bittersweet win, because I remember a friend being upset that I won, because he thought that he should have won.

The Hallowe'en outfit that won me a
trip to the Galapagos Islands!

But in my defence - look at my outfit. Seriously.

I spent MONTHS putting this together.  I sewed that entire thing together. I MADE the hair. I did my makeup. Everything.

I have decided that I will not be returning to the Galapagos on this trip.  I do have the time, but it is quite expensive and taking month off work is already going to take it’s financial toll.

BUT… I opened up my facebook messenger and this is the message awaiting me from my host cousin, Hjalmar.

Hjalmar - "vas a visitar el oriente o galápagos?" (translation - "Are you going to visit the jungle or the Galapagos?")

Me - "No to the Galapagos... not much time."

Hjalmar - "my gift"

Me - ?

How is one supposed to take that? MY GIFT?  Is the gift a trip to the Galapagos Islands?

Hjalmar - "for Christmas"

Me - "Que?"

WHAT is for Christmas??? Again... not sure how to take this.

Me - "You confuse me."

I'm really trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth right now.

Hjalmar - "jajajaa"

Is this implied laughter?  Does he know that he is literally bread crumbing me with thoughts of the Galapagos Islands? 

OUT of control... I'm actually starting to really get excited!  

Me - "What are you getting me for Christmas?"

Now he's killing me.

Hjalmar - "remember I'm your best friend in Ecuador."

The kind of friend that would take me to the Galapagos?

Me - "Si"
Me - "You're still confusing me."

Now the truth comes out...

Hjalmar - "Cuando vengas te tengo un rico ceviche de camarón y mucho love" (translation - "when you come I have a delicious shrimp ceviche and a lot of love:)

Hjalmar y yo!

Great.

I'm getting a shrimp and rice dish...  

I'm a lucky girl.

Basically, I have NO idea how to respond... so I did the best I could.

Me - "Sin cilantro por favor" (translation - "without cilantro please")

That's all I could come up with.