ROLAND vs. RICK STEVES

I’m an excellent procrastinator.

To be honest, I spent most of December in a bit of a slump… so although I was excited for my upcoming trip- I really didn’t do anything about it.

Mostly I just wanted to stay in bed and binge watch shows on Netflix.  It sounds pathetic… and it was.

Finally on January 4th, I decided that I had to get my act together and figure shit out.

After I put up my posting, I got the normal responses from friends; "Have a great trip!" "You can do it!" etc etc…

But the best comment was from Roland.

Now Roland is a guy I knew from high school.

As far as I know, Roland hasn’t travelled much- but I appreciate the fact that he jumped in to attempt to pull me out of my slump with his clever advice on how to prepare for travel.

Here goes... (please keep in mind that I have NOT edited this at all... this is exactly how it showed up on my feed) 

Ok this is why you do first thing you do is if you drink beer to much the start doing shots of something you like but keep it old school rum whiskey vodka tequila non of that flavoured shit. Sip beer do shots ok that's weight loss oh yeah just eat protein no carbs lots of meat or fish and greens very important.  Then clean your house don't worry to much about the little shit focus on the stuff that will ROT!!!!  DO YOUR DISHES AND CLEAN OUT THE FRIDGE.  ARM AND HAMMER the little box in the fridge it's cheap hey saving money alright !!!  Do your laundry or if you got a month's worth of laundry throw the stuff you don't wear much like probably most of it or else you wouldn't have that much laundry anyways lol put it in a bag and drop it off at the VV Boutique and get 10 or 20% off inside oh yeah saving $$$.  Just pack a small bag like the stewardess with the handle and pull it along or have a few drinks and dress like one for the flight get a few laughs have fun.  Travelers cheques and passport very important get the little bag you wear around your neck with the zipper very important get the one with ZIPPER!!!!!  Tuck it in your shirt !!!  Tae out the garbage close the windows and lock them all turn down the heat very important save money or turn it right off my be you got a programmable one set it for the day you return so its nice and warm when you get back.  Cats or pets set them free or a friend whatever then I think that's it oh post office to hold your mail.  Ok that's all I can think of Joanna I hope that helps you so you can have a friggin' awesome trip ok !!

I tried to follow it to the best of my ability.

1. Weight loss - didn't happen like I'd imagined... but with this new-found knowledge, I will attempt to shed the pounds doing old school shots.

2. Arm & Hammer... I certainly did try to concentrate on the stuff that will ROT...

3. Value Village - well... I didn't take my clothes here.  Instead I got off my lazy ass and I washed them.

4.  Pretend I'm a Stewardess - nah... a little bag wasn't really going to work for me being away for a month.  So I had to forego that advice and shove all my shit in to my backpack.  I'm not going to dress like one, but a few drinks will probably be ok. Right?

5. Travellers Cheques... nope.  The 90's are over.

6. Passport. Check :-)

7. The Little Bag. Get the one that goes around my neck with the ZIPPER... obviously the zipper is the most important part.  Just need to tuck it in my shirt and I'm ready to hit the streets.

8. Windows closed & locked!

9. Heat - off!  No programmable one at my place.

9. Pets... set them free... Sayonara Potzy! (see video)

10. Post Office - think I'll just keep it coming and then throw out all the dumb flyers when I get home :-)

WITH A LOT OF LOVE

One of the main attractions of Ecuador is the Galapagos Islands.

I won a trip there when I was in Ecuador in 1991.  I had the best Hallowe’en Costume at an AFS party and I got flight, 3 nights and 4 days aboard a small touring vessel.

It was a bit of a bittersweet win, because I remember a friend being upset that I won, because he thought that he should have won.

The Hallowe'en outfit that won me a
trip to the Galapagos Islands!

But in my defence - look at my outfit. Seriously.

I spent MONTHS putting this together.  I sewed that entire thing together. I MADE the hair. I did my makeup. Everything.

I have decided that I will not be returning to the Galapagos on this trip.  I do have the time, but it is quite expensive and taking month off work is already going to take it’s financial toll.

BUT… I opened up my facebook messenger and this is the message awaiting me from my host cousin, Hjalmar.

Hjalmar - "vas a visitar el oriente o galápagos?" (translation - "Are you going to visit the jungle or the Galapagos?")

Me - "No to the Galapagos... not much time."

Hjalmar - "my gift"

Me - ?

How is one supposed to take that? MY GIFT?  Is the gift a trip to the Galapagos Islands?

Hjalmar - "for Christmas"

Me - "Que?"

WHAT is for Christmas??? Again... not sure how to take this.

Me - "You confuse me."

I'm really trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth right now.

Hjalmar - "jajajaa"

Is this implied laughter?  Does he know that he is literally bread crumbing me with thoughts of the Galapagos Islands? 

OUT of control... I'm actually starting to really get excited!  

Me - "What are you getting me for Christmas?"

Now he's killing me.

Hjalmar - "remember I'm your best friend in Ecuador."

The kind of friend that would take me to the Galapagos?

Me - "Si"
Me - "You're still confusing me."

Now the truth comes out...

Hjalmar - "Cuando vengas te tengo un rico ceviche de camarón y mucho love" (translation - "when you come I have a delicious shrimp ceviche and a lot of love:)

Hjalmar y yo!

Great.

I'm getting a shrimp and rice dish...  

I'm a lucky girl.

Basically, I have NO idea how to respond... so I did the best I could.

Me - "Sin cilantro por favor" (translation - "without cilantro please")

That's all I could come up with.

A LOSS OF FAITH IN FOREIGNERS

There is one thing about myself when I travel that is absolutely undisputable.  I fuck up.

All.

The.

Time.

I book the wrong times or dates when I’m in a hurry.

I show up a day early or a day late for flights.

I opt for the more expensive option by mistake.

I forget to check details...

I make mistakes because I’m either excited or I’m in a hurry, or just stupid.  Usually the latter.  It happens at least once or twice with every single trip I go on.

No exceptions.

A few years ago, I took my friend Erin to Palma de Majorca for a weekend get-a-way.  We were both in Edinburgh at the time and she was in the midst of a horrible divorce.  It was cheap, I had the money, we both needed some sun… so we took off to Spain. 

It was going to be fantastic.  Friday to Sunday. 

A whole weekend of drinking and suntanning and partying...

Flight left Edinburgh around 10am and we were (supposedly) booked to return on a 6pm flight leaving on Sunday.

We arrived around 1pm on a Friday… spent the day at the beach, in the sun, drinking all afternoon.  We ate paella, drank more and tried to figure out how and where we were going to party the night away, while also making plans for the next days adventure.

As we were heading back to our hotel room after being at the beach all day, the girl at the front desk 'reminded' us that the shuttle would be there around 4am to pick us up in the morning.

....Excuse me?

So... no wonder the vacation was so cheap.

I’d accidentally booked for us to fly home at 6am on Saturday.

Not even 24 hours in Palma…

Typical.

Yes, I screw up.

Actually when I booked this flight to Quito, I screwed up and accidentally booked on the days that didn’t qualify for the seat sale.  Instant panic.  I ended up phoning Delta Airlines right away… and the guy I spoke to was the nicest, most accommodating customer service representative that I have ever dealt with.

He was amazing.

Fixed everything immediately, reimbursed my over-spent money and got me on the $500 return flight.

That’s probably not where it will end.

The other day, I was inserting my final work shifts in to my phone calendar and I realized that it said January 3rd-5th, I was scheduled to be in Quito, staying at the Art Plaza hotel.

Uh-oh…

I don't even actually fly until January 14th.

That was wrong.

I had screwed up on the date... again. 

I went in to the booking on Expedia and tried to change it to the actual February dates I needed, but they were booked out on those rooms & dates. 

Stupid me.

Unfortunately I had to change hotels which upset me cuz that hotel looked amazing and I was really looking forward to staying there.

BUT… then this happened... I'm at work and during a slow time of the day, I picked up my phone to check texts, facebook, emails…. etc... and this was the email that was waiting there for me.

Joanna: 

We were waiting for you yesterday. We can’t rent your room because your booking. We are without your booking, without money and without renting the room. We believe in foreigner people, it’s the first time that occurs this kind of problem. Now we no longer believe.

Automatic panic attack.

I COULD NOT believe I did it again!

And to add insult to injury, this time I had not only managed to screw up another reservation, but I’d brought DOWN the faith that Ecuadorians had in foreigners…

My limited attention to detail had caused not only the fall of Canadians in the eyes of the entire Ecuadorian tourist sector, but the fall of ALL foreigners.

This was big.

....But.... then I noticed another email followed... sent about 10 minutes after... 

Good morning Joanna Sorry for the mail, it was wrong. We are waiting for you in January 29 to 31. 

Big hugs! 

They better kiss my ass when I get there.

BIG hugs...

WHY ECUADOR?

When I was 18 years old, I was accepted on a Student Exchange program through AFS Intercultural Programs.  

I left the comforts of my hometown and travelled south to Ecuador for one year. 1991-1992.

I lived with the Muentes familia - my host mother, Delsey, my host father, Duval, my host sister, Mari del Carmen, my host brother, Duvalito and my cousin, Hjalmar.

I was immersed in the culture immediately - I attended an all girls catholic school every day- even though the nuns hated me and called me “gringa.”

A lot of great things happened in that year.  Looking back now, it was the time of my life.  

I met people from so many different countries, I experienced and gained appreciation of a new culture,  and I learned to make sacrifices that I normally wouldn’t have had to make.

The year also helped to affirm  my independence & boost a self confidence that I hadn’t previously possessed... and it established my on-going love of travel.

But I also started smoking in Ecuador (something I only kicked a little over 2 years ago), found too much of a love of dark rum (also temporary).

Looking back at all my memory books that I kept while I was there, I realize that we probably drank 'too' much.  Not much has changed.

Then… almost like a blink of an eye, it was over and I was back in Mission.

This was NOT a time of facebook or email or cell phones…. 

All there was then was snail mail and long distance land lines.

Letter and packages became more and more seldom as the years went by, the phone calls dwindled to nothing.. and before I knew it- the Muentes family was nothing but photographs and memories.

Now that we live in a world of social media… finding old friends and family has become much easier.  So every once in a while, I would throw a name in to facebook to try and find anyone.

NO luck.  People got married, changed their names, go by nicknames... it was impossible!

I never found anything…

Last January, I decided to try one more time.

I typed in 'Duval Muentes' and suddenly a picture popped up of a woman hugging and kissing a man that very much resembled my host brother.  He was older, fatter, wearing glasses and bald… but that was Duvalito!

After writing a little message to his wife, describing who I was… and who I thought her husband was… I awoke the next morning to about 10 friend requests.  

I'd found them :-) and off I go!